Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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