hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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