There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize