A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
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