I am puke
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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