I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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