Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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