i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
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If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
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My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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