Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize