this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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