Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
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