Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
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If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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