i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
me + whiskey = a bad person
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize