Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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