Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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