this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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