i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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