I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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