That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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