I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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