did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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