You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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