Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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