The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
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Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
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Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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