If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
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Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
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You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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