My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize