Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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