can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize