Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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