I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
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dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Be still, my beating vagina.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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