Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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