we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
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You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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