Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize