Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
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He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
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My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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