I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
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Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
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She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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