im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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