Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize