i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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