woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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