we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize