I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
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He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
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I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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