Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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