I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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