He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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