you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize