k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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