My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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