He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
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Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
wow bdsm is so cute
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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