I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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