Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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